Rutlidge: One for us, none for you

Cablevision is upset paying for networks it doesn’t want, need, or desire to carry.  But broadcasters are demanding that the cable company pick up lesser-known, unwanted cable networks in return for the stations Cablevision craves.  Sound familiar?  It’s a variation on consumer cable a-la-carte: picking and paying only for the channels and networks you want.  It’s a concept Cablevision wants for themselves, but continues to deny to their customers.

Last week the cable company filed comments with the Federal Communications Commission proposing a ban on “channel bundling” by broadcasters as part of an effort to reform retransmission consent laws.  Cablevision argues they are forced to carry unwanted networks as a result of current agreements.  No agreement, no local stations on the cable dial.

Cablevision chiefly cites major broadcast network owners for pushing these bundled agreements.  The company’s suburban New York City cable system has to reach accommodations with local New York stations that are all owned and operated by the major American networks.  That’s why an agreement to renew WNBC-TV might include the required carriage of a hardly-known network like Sleuth, owned by the same company that owns WNBC: NBCUniversal.  In return for an extension of WABC-TV’s retransmission consent agreement, Cablevision might be asked to carry all of Disney’s lesser-known cable networks.  Disney owns ABC and WABC.

Ironically, the same cable company that refuses to allow a-la-carte themselves is selling their proposal as a boon to consumers:

Cablevision chief operating officer Tom Rutledge says the proposal will “protect consumers from the threat of broadcaster blackouts.” He adds, “consumers are the ones who are harmed when broadcasters pull or threaten to pull their networks from cable systems.”

Cablevision also wants broadcasters to publicly disclose the true asking price for their channels.  Cablevision itself will not disclose its wholesale programming costs for cable networks.

“Broadcasters should not be able to keep the prices they charge hidden or to discriminate between distributors in a given market,” Rutledge said. “Our simple reforms would end these practices.”

They would for broadcasters, but not for the cable company or consumers.

Don't look now: Comcast is acquiring theme parks!

Comcast is planning to assume full control of NBCUniversal’s Universal Orlando theme park in a deal worth at least $1 billion dollars, according to a source reported by the Orlando Sentinel.  Universal Orlando is NBCUniversal’s most profitable theme park, home to the popular Wizarding World of Harry Potter, which has attracted record crowds.

The company is picking up the stake of its partner Blackstone Group, and will gain full ownership of the theme park when the transaction closes.

CenturyLink is asking their employees to write “thank you notes” to North Carolina legislators for passing an industry-written telecommunications bill that will reduce competition and inhibit community broadband competition in the state.

Broadband Reports received a copy of the message from a CenturyLink insider:

With the battle over and under-served North Carolina communities losing, a CenturyLink insider writes us to note the company this week sent employees an e-mail urging them to send their representatives a thank you letter for doing what Time Warner Cable and CenturyLink lobbyists told them to. “We encourage you to send an e-mail to your Representative, thanking him or her for supporting the bill,” says the e-mail to employees. “Opponents of the legislation, including the NC Municipal League and other groups, lobbied fiercely against the bill. So, your Representative’s support of the bill showed courage and conviction,” the letter insists. The e-mail included this recommended form letter:

David Lazarus in the Los Angeles Times relays southern California consumer horror stories regularly in his twice-weekly column, but this week’s news that Verizon provides a 50% discount for past due balances owed by those who have passed away represents a whole new level in customer service failure.

It seems Betty Howard forgot to include disconnecting her Verizon Internet service as part of putting her affairs in order before passing away after a valiant battle against breast cancer.  Verizon ended up billing Howard’s survivors $110.80 for three months of broadband service she was unable to use… because she was dead.

Lazarus reports Verizon considered that an insufficient excuse to waive the charges:

This was the final insult for Howard’s daughter-in-law, Marilynn Loveless, who’d been battling with the phone giant for months over what she termed broken promises and questionable bills, not to mention an inability to grasp that its former customer was no longer among the living.

“I don’t like bullies,” Loveless told me. “That’s what this seemed to be. They bully you and bully you until they get what they want.”

Verizon cut Howard’s bill to $54.82 but then turned it over to a debt-collection firm. Loveless started getting calls from debt collectors trying to recover the cash from her dead mother-in-law.

As the collection calls started coming, Loveless reached out to Lazarus in hopes of giving the story enough exposure to get Verizon to pay attention.  Lazarus quickly uncovered the fact Howard was being double-billed for Internet service — once as part of a standalone account and a second time as part of a bundle Loveless herself pays for.  Neither account worked for even a single day.

No matter, Verizon would now only pony up a credit to reduce the bill to $42.75, even after understanding a reporter from the Times was witnessing this publicity train wreck in the making.

Shortly thereafter, Verizon finally relented and issued a full credit and a brief statement:

“Mistakes were made,” a Verizon spokesman said. “We apologize.”

Lazarus ponders whether Verizon will learn from any of this:

A good first step would be to empower its service reps — many of whom are overseas — to actually deal with specific issues, rather than follow scripts and hope a problem goes away.

Like I say, there’s a reason many consumers view big companies as heartless and unbending. It’s not because these businesses are misunderstood.

It’s because their actions speak for themselves.

Eugene Mirman, a Brooklyn comedian trying to relocate his cable service, had the last laugh at Time Warner Cable’s expense when the cable company failed to show for his scheduled appointments (twice).  It turns out Time Warner technicians like to call customers before arriving — a problem for Mirman because he never received the call.  As Time Warner employees debated amongst themselves over whether his appointment was scheduled for May 4th or 12th, they evidently tried to resolve the issue with a compromise, showing up May 6th to finally install his service.

Not content with any of this, Mirman spent $1,100 to take out full page ads in two weekly New York-area newspapers to register his displeasure:

Dear Time Warner Cable,

On April 23rd I moved and had an appointment with Time Warner Cable to come and install cable, Internet and phone service and no one showed up. When I called, I was told my appointment was entered wrong and moved to May 4th, without anyone calling me. No big deal, why would a company check with someone to see if they are home on a Wednesday afternoon? Of course they are. Everyone is. Name one person who isn’t home on a Wednesday afternoon? You can’t. It’s impossible, because everyone is home. It would be a waste of recourses to call and talk to him. Did Stalin ever call people before he arrested them and sent them to die in Siberian work camps? No! Why should Time Warner Cable have a policy that is any different from Stalin’s?

Did you know that on Yelp, Time Warner Cable has one and a half stars? That’s less stars than Jeffery Dahmer — who killed and ate people, maybe even had sex with their skulls (I don’t really know). Obviously what I’m saying is untrue, because Yelp does not review serial killers, but if they did, his babaganoush would be better than yours, if you both made babaganoush, even if his drugged and murdered people. Sorry that got weird. F**k you. I just made you read that confusing thing.

To give you an idea of how much I dislike your company, I have come up with plagues I hope God smites your board of directors with. I know He’ll only do this if you enslave the Jews, but considering you might have a monopoly in NYC, you sort of already have:

1. Awkward. Every board member’s cell phone ring loudly announces their weight and also the day they’ll die.
2. Bathroom. The constant feeling that you have to go number two, but completely forgetting how.
3. Improv. Your first-born will want to be a short form improviser.
4. Popcorn. Your second born will smell like hot buttered popcorn. It’s not that bad at first, but eventually I bet it will be maddening.

Sincerely,

Eugene Mirman and probably every one of your customers.

P.S. On May 4th I called you and got an automated message saying my appointment was moved to May 10th, but spoke to two representatives who assured me it was still on May 4th. Twenty minutes later, I got a call saying the technician called and couldn’t reach me and my new appointment would be on May 12th. An hour later I got a call apologizing and saying my appointment was moved to May 6th. Why does your company act like a controlling, abusive husband on an episode of Law and Order?

P.P.S. On May 6th a very nice, professional man came, rang my doorbell and installed everything. I would feel remiss to not mention that a handful of other employees were also very helpful. However, overall your company is run like an ill managed Soviet factory. I bet if Ayn Rand was still alive, she’d write a fun to read, but poorly argued book about how appalling and inefficient your company is. Please cut it out. Thank you.