Julia Chastin is old enough to know that life sometimes makes you wait, but three hours is ridiculous.

Chastin (her maiden name, to protect her privacy), is a customer of Shaw Cable in Fort Macleod, Alb.  Her Internet service went down last weekend when the neighbor’s overzealous application of a “weed whacker” went awry and damaged her cable connection.  Chastin called Shaw Cable to report the problem, and there began her life in call queue hell.

“Usually companies who make you wait will tell you if their lines are especially busy, which is fine because I can just set the telephone on the speakerphone and go about my business until someone answers, but this turned a phone call into an afternoon adventure,” Chastin says.

In total, it was two hours, fifty-three minutes before a human being finally came on the phone, but only briefly.

“I heard this fumbling sound like someone’s headset was coming off, some mumbling and laughter, and then the line disconnected,” Chastin reports.  “I was furious.”

Chastin is not alone.

“Shaw’s hold times are legendary here in the west,” says Rob Kelvey, a Shaw customer near Vancouver.  “You can easily wait on hold an hour or two before someone answers, and that is day or night.”

Kelvey reports Shaw teases customers with an option inviting customers to accept a call back from a Shaw representative instead of waiting on hold, but it doesn’t work.

“I have used this option at least three times in the past year or so and it has never worked once.”

The problem isn’t just noticed by customers.  A recent polite editorial in the Grand Forks (B.C.) Gazette called out Shaw’s ridiculous hold times and poor customer service:

There are probably many people out there who have had to call the cable company when a TV or Internet-related problem arises only to be put on hold and not just recently.

It is not unusual to be put in a phone queue, especially when it comes to customer service, but the sometimes extraordinarily long wait times can even test those with the greatest of patience.

“Three hours isn’t patience, it’s perseverance,” retorts Chastin.

Customer Service Scoreboard bottom-rated Shaw, based on several hundred responses from customers.  More than 300 were critical of Shaw; only 17 people shared positive experiences with the company’s representatives.   The website rated Shaw Cable a dismal 29 out of 200, putting them firmly in the “terrible” category.

“Sometimes it really is faster to walk to a local Shaw Cable office to report problems instead of calling them on the phone, an ironic fact for a telecommunications company,” says Kelvey.

Shaw officials will occasionally tweet apologies for extended hold times and suggest customers use their online chat customer support feature or their Facebook page for assistance.  But some customers found Shaw’s online chat had “hold times” as well, sometimes as long as 40 minutes.

“Fort Macleod doesn’t offer a lot of options for Internet access, so waiting for Shaw is unfortunately the best option, but when I finally did manage to get someone on the phone, they heard from me good and I received a $20 service credit as an olive branch, which I appreciated,” Chastin says.

“I’d appreciate more not having to wait my life away on hold for hours even more.”

Shamrock Museum

The city of Shamrock, Okla. may not be a city for much longer, facing unincorporation and liquidation of its remaining assets, which include the abandoned police cars that used to earn the city enough ticket revenue to keep the doors open.  But fast (and free at the local community center) Internet prevails (with competition, too) in a city with fewer than 100 remaining citizens.  It’s all thanks to a federal broadband grant and an existing Wireless ISP.

Shamrock’s unlucky predicament comes at the expense of the boom-and-bust oil business that launched dozens of small towns in rural Oklahoma, only to leave them largely abandoned when the oil dried up, or the cost to access it becomes too prohibitive.  Once a community numbering 10,000, Shamrock, located nearly halfway between Oklahoma City and Tulsa, had recently been surviving on revenue earned from writing traffic tickets in infamous speed traps set up along Highway 16.  Shamrock, along with Big Cabin, Caney, Moffett, and Stringtown, became so notorious for their dependence on traffic ticket revenue to keep the towns afloat, at one point the state government publicly designated them “speed trap towns” and banned them from writing tickets on state and federal highways. When Creek County officials learned the city was using non-commissioned officers to write tickets, they shut down the whole operation.

Soon after, residents found the city hall padlocked, with coffee cups still on the desks and police evidence lockers still stuffed with property from active criminal cases (although seized marijuana and beer has since disappeared.)

In fact, the only service now in operation at the city hall, now converted into a “community center,” is Internet access on 10 computers made possible by @Link Services LLC, an Oklahoma City-based Wireless Internet Service Provider (WISP) that provides service in rural areas, with the help of a broadband grant from the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture.

The broadband grant, amounting to $536,000, with matching funds of $134,000 kicked in by @Link, covers the costs of running the community center for two years and extending wireless access with the construction of a new wireless radio tower in Stillwater, which allows the company to reach Shamrock residents.

In addition to providing free access at the former city hall, @Link also sells Internet access to area residents (the only remaining business in town is a diner):

“This is going to be the last place anyone would provide Internet without government funding because there is no chance of turning a profit,” Kerry Conn, chief financial officer of @Link Services told The Oklahoman. “But if you don’t have Internet services, your town is going to die.”

@Link CEO Samual Curtis says their wireless Internet access sells itself.

“Broadband is a very easy sell where there is no broadband,” Curtis told the newspaper.

The only problem with that is Shamrock currently does receive service from another Wireless ISP — OnALot, a service of HDR Internet Services, Inc.  OnALot operates from 70 systems in more than 25 cities and communities across rural Oklahoma.  @Link’s arrival in town, with the assistance of a federal broadband grant, came as a surprise to some Shamrock residents who already had Internet service from OnALot.  Now those customers have two choices — both wireless — for Internet service.  OnALot, the incumbent, is often cheaper, too:

OnALot does not sell traditional speed tiers.  Instead customers share access points rated at speeds of 11 and 54Mbps.  Customers do not actually see anything close to those speeds, because they are theoretical maximums and each access point is shared by several users.  But since many residential customers do not have a firm understanding of what different speed levels represent, it has proven workable for HDR Internet to sell services based on price, not speed.

OnALot does sell dedicated, private wireless circuits to customers who don’t want to share, but they are comparatively expensive:

OnALot.com operates both standard Line-of-Sight and Near-Line-of-Sight systems on the 80' tall water tower on the west side of Shamrock.

One Oklahoman reader, Bobbi, wondered why @Link received federal grant money to provide Internet service in a community that already had access.

“Why this company didn’t do their homework before they used government money to provide a service to a town that had that service,” Bobbi asked. “Wouldn’t that be a misuse of the grant money?”

Broadband grant funding has come under criticism at times for funding projects that incumbent providers accuse of duplicating services.  A study funded by the National Cable & Telecommunications Association, the cable industry’s top lobbyist, found several instances of grants that would deliver broadband service to areas already served by other providers.

“While it may be too early for a comprehensive assessment of the [government]’s broadband programs, it is not too early to conclude that, at least in some cases, millions of dollars in grants and loans have been made in areas where a significant majority of households already have broadband coverage, and the costs per incremental home passed are therefore far higher than existing evidence suggests should be necessary,” the study says.

Thus far, much of the funding for rural Oklahoma seems to be directed towards wireless Internet access projects, which typically serve sparsely populated areas cable and phone companies have traditionally ignored.

The NCTA’s criticism, in particular, was directed against its would-be competitors.  The lobbying group suggests the price of competition was too high.

Based on the cost of the direct grants and subsidizing the loans, the NCTA study estimated that the cost per incremental home passed would be $30,104 if existing coverage by mobile broadband providers was ignored, and $349,234 if mobile broadband coverage was taken into account.

Wireless ISP operators have told Stop the Cap! many of their projects are self-financed and do not receive government assistance.  Some WISP operators have accused the government of making broadband grants to wireless operators a cumbersome, if not impossible prospect because incumbent telephone companies are often most likely to meet the government’s grant criteria.

For Shamrock residents, one piece of good news: @Link Services and OnALot both have no Internet Overcharging schemes like usage caps.  However, OnALot prohibits the use of peer-to-peer software (torrents) and @Link Services maintains the right to curtail speeds for those who create problems for other users on their shared wireless network.

OnALot’s usage policies are among the most frank (and common sense) we’ve seen, because they are up front with customers about the impact certain traffic can have on their wireless network:

1. You are paying us to download from the Internet. We do not limit you on that. You can download anything you want 24/7. Games, email, web pages, radio stations, and so on – we don’t care, downloading is what you are paying us for. That said, we would prefer that you do not leave an active game un-attended, or run a radio station continuously, as these eat up bandwidth that others could be using. When you’re done with your game, please turn it off.
2. We do have restrictions when it comes to uploading TO the Internet. P2P or Peer-to-Peer programs are NOT allowed. These limitations apply primarily to file sharing programs. We do NOT allow music or video sharing programs, bit torrent programs or other programs where outside users can extract files from your computer with or without your express consent. And seriously, do you actually WANT others to have full access to your computer? That’s what you’re giving to file sharing programs! Please call us if you are unsure if the program you are using is a file sharing program.
3. Yes, you can upload to your favorite website, send big emails, and transfer any size files that are under your control. That’s OK with us – these are intermittent in nature and under your full control. It’s the unattended uploading that sharing programs do that we do not allow.
4. If your computer has a virus and is “spewing” out onto the Internet, we expect you to have it cleaned. Causing others to become infected is wrong, and we may take steps to disable your Internet connection. We will call you first, explain what is going on and ask that you have your machine cleaned. If you decide not to do this, we will then cut you off until you do.

Gone

After more than a decade of “beep, beep,” Time Warner Cable is retiring Geococcyx californianus, the ground foraging cuckoo better known as the Greater Roadrunner.

It’s all part of a “brand refresh,” Time Warner’s Jeannette Castaneda tells Fortune.  The idea is to “create excitement around the eye-ear symbol.”  For now, the “Road Runner” name will remain — just the mascot disappears.

When Road Runner was first introduced in 1995 in Elmira, N.Y., it was designed to be a localized high-speed online portal, originally called the “Southern Tier On-Line Community.” Portals were all the rage in the 1990s, designed to serve as a unified home page to help users find content more easily.  When the cable modem broadband service finally spread to other markets, it was branded ‘LineRunner.’

But Time Warner’s marketing people decided the company’s best strategy to convince users that paying at least double the price they were paying for dial-up was worth the investment when you considered how fast cable broadband service was, and how it would outperform any dial-up connection.  The cable company spent months negotiating with Warner Bros. to license the use of the roadrunner in the old Wile E. Coyote cartoons.  The company even changed the name of their broadband product to Road Runner to drive home the speed message.

The "eye-ear" branding that replaces it.

Over the years, Time Warner has blanketed customers in postcard mailers, advertising, and billboards showcasing their broadband mascot, but no more.  While Time Warner Cable would not provide exact reasons for the brand change, we suspect there are several factors involved:

1. The cost to license the roadrunner character from Warner Bros.  In 1998, regional Time Warner representatives shared that the licensing agreement with Warner Bros. was costly and complicated.  Warner Bros. maintains strict control over their licensed characters and how they are used.
2. In the past, emphasizing speed was essential in convincing consumers to drop their old provider for the cable company’s alternative.  But broadband penetration in most of Time Warner’s markets has already reached a high level and most of those still refusing to take the service are not going to be convinced by speed arguments.  For these holdouts, lack of interest and the cost of the service are the most important factors, and the roadrunner character does not speak to these concerns.
3. 

   Canis usagecapus

   The telecom industry, notably cable, has spent years trying to retire the phrases “Internet access” and “Internet Service Provider.”  They don’t even like the word “broadband.”  For them – it’s High Speed Internet (HSI) or “High Speed Online.”  They have put the words “high speed” in the very term they use to describe Internet access.

4. Time Warner Cable believes in their unified bundling of services.  They aggressively pitch all of them together at a discounted price and have de-emphasized the branding that used to be associated with individual package components.  For example, Time Warner didn’t retire the name “LineRunner” when they rebranded their cable modem service Road Runner.  They simply re-used the name for their telephone service.  Time Warner tested LineRunner in the Rochester, N.Y. market before ditching the product for a Voice Over IP service they now like to call “digital phone.”  Today, most of Time Warner Cable’s most visible ancillary branding is done for their triple-play packages.  Remember “All the Best?”

Fortune thinks the retirement of the roadrunner may also have something to do with the company’s desire to implement an Internet Overcharging scheme:

TWC, like other big ISPs, is a leading proponent of imposing bandwidth caps on its Internet users. Imagine the possibilities for illustrating articles about this topic – Wile E Coyote (perhaps wearing a TWC ballcap) tripping up the Road Runner with piano wire, or finally getting his revenge and hurling the obnoxious bird off a cliff.

Netgear WNR3500L Wireless-N Router

The Federal Communications Commission’s efforts to measure America’s real broadband speeds needs you.  The federal agency is looking for American volunteers willing to host a wireless router that can conduct occasional background speed tests and report the results to Samknows, the independent company contracted to manage the testing program.  Stop the Cap! has participated in the project for more than eight months and can report the tests are completely un-intrusive and the router has worked well amongst all of our other broadband and networking equipment.

Samknows will supply you with a Netgear WNR3500L Wireless-N router free-of-charge.  We’ve found the router a tad plasticky, but it has performed well with no serious performance issues, especially after the firmware was updated earlier this year.  The router comes pre-configured with the speed and performance testing protocol built right in.  It conducts various automated tests a few times daily — tests that we’ve never found bothersome while using our broadband service.  It reports results back to Samknows, and by extension the FCC. Once a month you will receive an e-mailed “report card” for your particular Internet Service Provider’s performance.

Time Warner Cable has received high marks from our Samknows router here in Brighton, N.Y.  But we know of plenty of cases where volunteers have successfully been able to call out their providers with less-than-stellar performance results.  Just ask Cablevision, whose dismal performance in the first broadband report from the FCC exposed an obviously oversold broadband network.  Cablevision hurried out press releases trying to deflect blame, but we suspect they are also quietly upgrading their network to ensure no repeat performance of their failing grade in the next report.

The program is a great way to do your part to fight for better broadband in the United States, and you walk away with a free wireless router when it’s all over.

There are some requirements to participate:

• You have a fixed line broadband Internet connection to your residence.
• You use a standalone device to connect to your broadband service (a cable or DSL modem or router combination with modem built-in).
• You have a stable broadband connection (i.e. it doesn’t disconnect frequently). Note that this is just referring to the connection – not the speed.
• You are not a heavy downloader. Our tests can only run when your line below a certain traffic threshold, therefore we would not be able to run any tests if your line is in constant use.
• You have a spare power socket near your existing router (or wherever you plan to connect the unit. Keep in mind that a network cable must run between the unit and your router though! We supply a 1m cable).
• You need to be on one of the ISPs that we’re measuring.
• You are not an employee or a family member of an employee of one of the ISPs being monitored.

With respect to being a “heavy downloader,” what Samknows really means here is that you are not running peer-to-peer file-sharing software 24/7.  They don’t mind if you spend a lot of time with Netflix or other online services.  If your provider delivers inconsistent service with frequent outages, I’d still apply.  The poor results will be reflected in the FCC report.

Participants also have to broadly agree with certain terms and conditions:

• Not to unplug the unit or your ISP’s router unless away for an extended period of time.
• Not attempt to reverse engineer or alter the unit.
• To notify Samknows if and when you choose to change ISPs.
• To return the unit to Samknows should you no longer wish to be involved (Samknows to pay reasonable postage costs).
• To connect the unit in the way described in the documentation.
• To keep Samknows updated with valid contact details (i.e. email and postal address).

In our experience, we can offer some clarifications here:

1. They don’t care if you unplug equipment during a storm or for other short-term periods;
2. They do allow you to run the equipment in “bridge mode,” meaning you can still rely on your primary router, leaving the Netgear Samknows router as an adjunct to your home network;
3. You are allowed to apply firmware upgrades, as available, so long as they retain the performance testing protocol.

Applying is easy enough.  Simply complete the online form and Samknows will contact you when the next round of routers is prepared to ship.  It typically takes several weeks between rounds, so don’t expect an immediate reply.  The router will be sent to you through UPS or FedEx, no signature required.  The testing program is scheduled to last up to three years.

Toronto

Except for South Korea, nobody uses the Internet more than Canadians.  That’s an important finding in a new report produced for Canada’s telecommunications regulator to better understand the current state of the broadband market in the country.

According to recent reports from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, the country generates 2,288 terabytes of data traffic per month per 100,000 residents.  That’s among the highest in the world and comes from avid web browsing, watching online video, and a love affair with smartphones.

But like many relationships, this one is also expensive.  You pay all of the money you have to spare, and your provider delivers you just enough of a usage fix to keep you from running to Ottawa to demand change.

Canadian broadband pricing is in the top third of all OECD-measured nations, with the average price for High Speed Internet running $55.18.  The average median price across all OECD members runs a lot less — $39.23 per month.  If you want to pay less, you have to bundle your landline, cell phone, television, and Internet service with the same provider, or make due with a slow speed “lite user” plan, where average pricing had been running lower until this year.

The average monthly price of the Level 1 basket increased to roughly $35 in 2011, up considerably from $31 the previous year.

Similarly, average monthly price of the Level 2 basket increased this year as well to roughly $50, up from $48 last year.  The average advertized download speed of the services included in the Level 2 basket is close to 6.5 Mbps, which is similar to the average speed in last year’s study.

The average monthly price of the Level 3 basket also increased slightly to $63, but still remains well below the 2008 price of $69 per month.  The average advertized download speed of the services included in the Level 3 basket is roughly 14 Mbps, which is slightly higher than in last year’s study (where the average speed was 12.5 Mbps).

Lastly, the average price of the new Level 4 broadband service basket is roughly $78 per month.  The advertized download speeds for the Level 4 broadband services included in the study range from 25 to 50 Mbps – the average is close to 30 Mbps.

Roughly half of the Canadian broadband service plans surveyed for this study included monthly usage caps.  For those that do, they range from 1 to 13 GB on the Level 1 service basket – the average is 7 GB per month.  The range for the Level 2 service basket is from 25 to 75 GB – the average is 55 GB per month.  The range for the Level 3 service basket is from 75 to 125 GB – the average is just over 90 GB per month.  There has been little change in these monthly usage caps, on average, compared to last year.

In the case of the new Level 4 broadband service basket, for those service providers applying data usage caps, the caps range from 75 to 250 GB per month – the average was close to 140 GB per month.

The Canadian pricing and usage study was developed by Wall Communications for the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission.  The best news for Canada?  Your broadband pricing remains relatively stable, with some package pricing reducing the cost of the broadband component.  Standalone service appears to have increased in price only slightly in many markets.  Increased foreign investment in the wireless marketplace is shaking up wireless pricing, as the hegemony of Bell, Telus, Rogers, and Quebecor are under increasing competitive pressure.  It’s a much sunnier outlook than what is taking place in the country to your south.

For Americans, pricing is headed in only one direction: up.

All charts courtesy of Wall Communications, Inc.