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NC Senate Solves State’s Broadband Problem By Redefining It As Not a Problem

Creative Redefinition of Today's Problems Into Tomorrow's Solutions

At around 7:00pm ET, Republicans in the North Carolina State Senate are expected to ram through H.129, Rep. Marilyn Avila’s (R-Time Warner Cable) anti-consumer, anti-community broadband bill.

You can listen to the Evening of Infamy right here: North Carolina Senate Audio.

With the cooperation of most of the state’s Republicans, and a handful of Democrats taking cable’s money, North Carolina intends to solve their state’s broadband availability problems in a novel way: by redefining those without broadband service as having broadband after all.

Through an amendment, H.129 will essentially declare the service as widely available if even a single resident in a particular census block has access to something resembling broadband.  That could be 768kbps DSL from CenturyLink.  If one person has the service, the thinking goes, everyone can get it, even if they can’t.

The Senate intends to deal with North Carolina’s broadband crisis by changing the definition of the word ‘crisis‘ into ‘accomplishment.’ Instead of allowing communities to provide service in unserved areas, simply declare all areas as being served, thereby negating the need for community broadband.  Another victory for the free market, and it was dirt cheap not to provide the service, too!

So when broadband-deprived North Carolina consumers call Time Warner, CenturyLink, or AT&T, they can be told:

“No, it’s not that we don’t have any broadband service to sell you, we’re simply providing it in a unique new way — by delivering it to someone else!  (Can’t you move in with them?)”

Problem solved.

As one legislator said earlier, “[TWC and CenturyLink] are calling all the shots.”

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Matt
Matt
12 years ago

I love this state. At this rate we’ll really be the backwater state everyone else seems to think we are.

Luke
Luke
12 years ago

Agreed! I have e-mailed the speaker who also reps my district. He pretty much said sorry, it is what it is.! If the housing market ever rebounds Im moving to Salisbury just so I dont have to be a TWC customer. (plus the taxes are cheaper)

me
me
12 years ago
Reply to  Luke

Guess we need to remind them again. Vote the bums out…

digitlman
digitlman
12 years ago

If this gets rammed through, our only hope is Bev Purdue doesn’t sign it into law.

It’s disgusting how this made it this far.

Fedup
Fedup
12 years ago

They already have their cushy job at Time Warner lined up. Its a never ending cycle.

AnonYMouse
AnonYMouse
12 years ago

“Another victory for the free market”

Collusion between government lords and business execs to quash competition (whether that’s a private-owned ISP or a local community service) is exactly the opposite of a free market.

When bashing a group correctly for redefining words, don’t commit the same fault yourself.

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